Twas the month before Christmas, when all through the house
Decorations were stirring, and playing was Strauss;
The stockings have yet to be hung by the chimney with care,
As we stopped before even getting there;
The 3 of us were nestled in boxes galore,
While I was in the kitchen cooking once more;
And Geordie in his mischief, and Callum in his zone,
Were about to butt heads right to the bone!
When out in the dining room there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the kitchen to see what was the matter.
To the room, I flew, like a flash,
Frightened that someone was about to be mash!
The lights were not working and Callum was mad,
Geordie was off somewhere, probably being bad;
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature man who was trying to drink beer,
With a swig of that, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment he was going to be sick!
More rapid than ever the tree tried to be tame,
Callum whistled, and shouted and called it a name;
"Now, %$*#$& now, #$%^# now, $%*$#@# now, $%&#*!!
On ~@#$^% on $#@%$# on @#$%& and %&^#*%$!
To the top of the porch! To the top of the wall!
I am ready to throw you, just like a ball!"
As Geordie did the decorations like the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky;
So up the stairs more boxes flew,
With ornaments, more lights and Frosty too!
And then, in a twinkling I heard the commotion,
The Geordie had found a new way of devotion!
As I drew in my hand, and was chewing my gun,
He had the Frosty singing and hitting his bum!
He was dancing and prancing, from his head to his foot,
And his voice was crying a great big "WOOT"
A bundle of ornaments he had found on the floor,
And he looked like a peddler just opening the door;
His eyes - how they twinkled! His smile, how merry,
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
While Callum was ready to throw him in the snow!
He had a sweet face and a little round belly,
That shook when he laughed like a bowlful of jelly.
He was jumping and bouncing like a jolly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself;
A twitch of Callum's eye and a twist of his head,
Soon let me know I had something to dread;
The tree was finished with a lot of hard work,
And Callum was just about to go berserk!